I am sitting at my desk at work plotting the next great initiative at work that will propel my staff to certain greatness when I receive a text message from my wife. It reads: “TheMonk lost another tooth at school. He swallowed it.”
My first reaction is, “Again?!” Because, you see, TheMonk lost a tooth just last week that he accidentally swallowed while eating. It was then we determined that the tooth fairy knows when he loses teeth and the fact that the tooth was nestled in his belly would not prevent him from reaping the precious bounty of Tooth Fairy goodness.
My second reaction is, “He had a loose tooth?” I seriously had no idea. I mean, the kid has lost so many teeth that the Tooth Fairy has begun making himself a snack after every visit. TheMonk’s lost so many teeth that if he stands just right, he whistles in the wind. I just didn’t think the kid had any more teeth left to lose.
Upon my arrival after work, I inspect TheMonk’s mouth. I see the big gaping hole that used to be his two front teeth that have been missing since this time last year when he had them unceremoniously pulled after a run-in with a piece of playground equipment. What I don’t see is evidence that a tooth has recently left his mouth. I point this out to TheMonk and he insists that he lost a tooth and that his friend Amelia confirmed there was blood in his mouth. I am unconvinced.
The gap doesn’t seem any bigger than it did before. The teeth on either side look symmetrical. In a court of law I feel I could win this case. But in a court of 6-year-olds who have told their entire class that they have lost a tooth and have taken home the “tooth bag” (a perfectly mean extra homework project that any kid gets when he or she loses a tooth in TheMonk’s class) to much acclaim, it is impossible to say otherwise. It is clear that the Tooth Fairy will be dishing out another Sacagawea $1 coin this evening.
Maybe he did lose a tooth. I’m no dentist and the kid loses teeth faster than I lose readers. But I don’t think he did. And I have this sneaking suspicion that he’s perpetrating the biggest fraud known to child-kind: Putting one over on the Tooth Fairy to make a quick buck.
I’m not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
(Okay, I’m totally proud.)
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