Raising a woman, not a girl
I arrive at 5:15 on a Friday afternoon. A three-day weekend looms and the preschool is decidedly empty compared to most afternoons. The remaining kids are out on the playground and I head out to greet Swee’Pea and TheMonk.
Swee’Pea sees me first and races towards me. About half-way there, however, she is distracted by a boy in her class. This boy, Jack, is also a twin but I only know him as a boy who likes to wrestle his brother to the ground and likes to sing the chorus to Queen’s We Will Rock You. As Swee’Pea passes him she throws on the breaks and heads over to give him a hug. I take note of this and, possibly, give Jack my most fatherly stank-eye practiced to-date.
As we head out to the car, I ask Swee’Pea about Jack. “Do you like playing with Jack, Swee’Pea?”
“Yes,” she replies. “I’m going to marry Jack.”
I casually reach up and push my eyeballs back into their sockets before I calmly ask, “Did you say Marry, Swee’Pea?”
“Yes.” she replies. And, then, she adds the dagger to my heart. “I’m serious, Daddy. I’m going to marry him.”
I get into the drivers seat of my car as we continue the conversation. I’m curious so I inquire why she likes this Jack so much.
“I like to play with him, Daddy.” She tells me.
I say, “That’s nice, Swee’Pea. But remember, boys who play with you have to treat you nicely. They have to be nice to you all the time. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Daddy.” She dutifully replies.
And it seems she did understand. Later that evening, over dinner, I recount our conversation for Mommy’s sake. We talk about Jack and I can tell Swee’Pea is a bit embarrassed to be talking so much about this boy. But as I wind down the conversation, about to change the subject, Swee’Pea suddenly announces.
“Boys have to treat me right.”
That’s my girl.
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You’re an awesome dad… she’ll remember (even if she doesn’t always act like it).
Comment by Bree — May 28, 2010 @ 10:12 pm
I would say you’re doing a great job, then! Good work!
Comment by RobMonroe — May 29, 2010 @ 2:42 am
Well played sir, well played.
Comment by Pgoodness — May 29, 2010 @ 5:16 am
Good work! Don’t worry, Olivia is embarrased when I remind her of her preschool “fiancĂ©”. They went to school together, all the way through high school. He didn’t grow up to be her dream man. LOL
Comment by kathygee1 — May 29, 2010 @ 7:02 am
There was a girl in my now 13 year old son’s pre-school who made a similar declaration about him. I felt the same sort of protectiveness! “Oh really Sarah? You think you are taking my baby away from me already!” is what went through my mind. Yes, I was ready to battle a 3 year old for my son’s heart!! Horrendous mother in law in the making from the start
Despite that competitiveness I still remember telling Alex that he better be nice to her no matter what. That was a great way for you to seize the opportunity to get that message into her head.
Comment by Christina — May 29, 2010 @ 8:17 am
Goose bumps and tears.
I so wish I would have had a daddy like you when I was a little girl.
I hope someone reminds you regularly that what you are doing is extraordinary and important and can really, really help make a difference in the world.
Comment by Miss Britt — May 29, 2010 @ 9:37 am
I married my wife because I liked to play with her too! But I’m nice to her. And no Queen allowed (definitely not the more recent albums).
Comment by BloggerFather — May 29, 2010 @ 12:16 pm
Let’s hope when she leaves cookies on his door step, he calls to say “thank you”.
Comment by Grandmother — May 29, 2010 @ 7:50 pm
I can just hear her little voice saying, “I’m serious, Daddy.” Love it.
Baylee thinks she’s going to marry Brayden. I keep telling her that, depite living in Louisiana, that’s just not okay.
Comment by Amy — May 30, 2010 @ 1:08 pm
Damn straight they have to treat you right. I can only imagine how that must have stopped your heart, but I’m glad she heard what you were saying.
Comment by Kellee — May 31, 2010 @ 8:23 am
Great to teach her now. I had way too many friends wanting bad boys. When someone treats you right, you have a healthy and happy life together. of course, it also works both ways.
Comment by Karen Hartzell, Graco — June 1, 2010 @ 8:31 am
I love how it is so simple. I love to play with him. Kids are just perfect.
Comment by DC Urban Dad — June 1, 2010 @ 8:44 am
that’s cool. and its not every girl that thinks that.
Comment by Surfer Jay — June 1, 2010 @ 7:26 pm
Say it early and often. It’ll likely stick.
Comment by KC — June 2, 2010 @ 1:38 pm
I agree you’re an awesome dad.
Have you ever asked her what “marriage” might mean to her? This could create great material for another post.
Even at 12, my boy came back home one day and started talking about a girl in his percussion ensemble. When we asked him if he liked her, he said, “I don’t know. I’ll have to see if she can play first”…
Comment by Family Matters — June 3, 2010 @ 7:42 pm
Wouldn’t it be amusing is some day far down the road she did wind up marrying Jack?
Sorry, didn’t mean to twist the knife.
Comment by WeaselMomma — June 6, 2010 @ 5:34 am