October 11, 2009

The Week That Was – A Body Made for Radio

It started out like any other week. Monday morning was the usual struggle to get the kids back into our weekday morning routine. A certain girl didn’t like the socks I picked for her. A certain boy didn’t want to put his shoes on. A certain Daddy was under-caffeinated and rushing to get to work.

Tuesday was more of the same. Nothing very exciting.

Wednesday, however, got interesting. In a brief chat with Tania from Chicky Chicky Baby, we both got into a whining match about how much weight we’ve gained since BlogHer. My memory of the actual conversation is vague but I seem to remember references to thunder thighs and hippos. It also got more interesting when Tania said, “I smell a bet.” So a bet was made. The bet? Whoever loses the most percentage of weight in the next six weeks is the winner. The loser? The loser will have to post a photo of herself on her blog wearing spandex.

My starting weight was 189.5 pounds.  Since the bet was placed, I’ve lost 3.5 pounds. I am determined to win this bet. Here is my game plan:

  • Have a net daily caloric intake of 1300 calories.  (I can eat more but the exercise I do has to cancel out the extra calories)
  • Exercise. A lot. I’m thinking of doing the thigh master at my desk at work.  Maybe some buttock squeezes whenever I’m walking. Perhaps even some running.
  • Taunt Tania with apple cider donuts. Thinking of having a dozen shipped to her every week day.
  • Shave my head. Every ounce counts. That hair was on its way out anyways.  If that doesn’t work, shave the rest of the body.
  • Lose a limb. How often do I really use my left arm?
  • Donate a kidney.  How much does a kidney weigh? A pound?

This better work.  If it doesn’t, I’m going to have to post a photo of a bald-headed, hairless, one-armed, spandex-clad me on this blog.  I’ll miss my readers.

Thursday was a lot of fun.  My body adjusted to me starving myself. And when I say adjusted, I mean my stomach growled all. day. long.  That evening, however, I got to chat with Karl from Secondhand Tryptophan on his internet radio show.  You can listen to the recorded show at his radio show website or you can look up the podcast on iTunes.  We had a nice talk.  I answered the questions that James Lipton always asks on Inside the Actors Studio and chatted about why I think women hold men back from parenting (you know you wanna listen now, right?).  It was fun and I had a good time.

Friday, aside from starving myself, I went to visit our day camp at the Y.  The staff asked me to participate in a banana eating contest with other staff directors in front of the  entire camp.  I happily obliged because I’m a team player and I wanted to support our camp staff.  As I stood with five of my fellow directors in front of the camp, they blindfolded all of us and handed us a banana.  Soon after, they shouted “GO!” and it was on!  I crammed that banana in my mouth.  As I finished it, I could hear the kids cheering and someone handed me another banana.  I started to shove that one in my already full mouth and suddenly, I was declared the winner.  I removed my blindfold, banana still in my mouth, and glanced around.  Every staff member that had been standing next to me was no longer next to me and not one was eating a banana.  It was then I knew I had been had.  The banana eating contest was a contest of one: Me.

Of course, the staff and kids began laughing and I laughed along too.  They got me.  They got me good.  Of course, they won’t be laughing so hard when I don’t sign their timecards next week.

Saturday and Sunday were all about not eating.  It’s harder than it sounds.  Stay tuned for that. Bald, one-armed guys in spandex could be a sight to see.


  1. Damn you guys! 3.5 lbs already? This contest is not fair! I love you Matt, but I rooting for Tania. Besides, I want to see you in spandex.

    Comment by Aunt Raina — October 12, 2009 @ 8:57 am

  2. You should shave your legs, that’s 2 lbs right there. Weigh yourself in the morning. If Andrea is up for it, sex is good exercise.

    Comment by Grandmother — October 12, 2009 @ 6:16 pm

  3. holy crap. 3.5 pounds??!? I am impressed. (also? seriously jealous)

    Comment by ali — October 13, 2009 @ 6:22 am

  4. You are going DOWN.

    I’ve got a pretty pair of pink legwarmers to send to you too. You know, to go with your spandex.

    Comment by Chicky Chicky Baby — October 13, 2009 @ 7:00 pm

  5. Very funny banana eating contest! I’m feeling flabby myself lately. Not enough exercise. I do hate starving myself though. You know that point when your stomach starts eating itself? I hate that. : )

    Comment by Twenty Four At Heart — October 13, 2009 @ 9:23 pm

  6. Ahem. I have LOST 6 pounds since blogher. But since I am not in on this bet, it doesnt matter.


    Hmm.. DONT NOT EAT. You need to eat. all you need to do is think: protein and veggies. Whole wheat. Fat Free dairy.
    You can do it kid!

    Comment by Gemini-Girl — October 14, 2009 @ 11:03 am

  7. I’m going to be watching your progress, since I’ve mentioned that I, too, have gained weight since BlogHer. I started a 2 week Whole Body Cleanse today. So far? I’m hungry. Good luck!

    Comment by Andrea's Sweet Life — October 17, 2009 @ 4:14 pm

  8. This is an excellent idea.

    I’m going full on quadriplegic before next swimsuit season.

    Comment by Miss Britt — October 20, 2009 @ 1:06 pm

  9. Cutting a limb or donating an organ!! ha ha ha, I don’t believe I’ve heard of anything quite so enterprising.
    On a serious note, I can vouch for skipping dinners or at least avoiding carbs after 6pm. Let me know how it works!

    Comment by Shalvika Sood — October 23, 2009 @ 9:00 am

  10. Ruh-roh. Should Bossy root for you, her BlogHer husband — or for Tania, her BFF partner in all things Kathy Griffin. Fer chrissake, Bossy cries Uncle!

    Comment by BOSSY — October 23, 2009 @ 9:10 am

  11. I start “Boot Camp” Monday. Sigh. Been following your tweets about this, cheering for you although I would still like to see the spandex pic. Can’t have everything, I guess.

    Comment by lettergirl — October 23, 2009 @ 2:26 pm

  12. Do whatever you have to do. We don’t want to see this.

    Comment by Darren — October 30, 2009 @ 5:08 am

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