August 27, 2009

Going down swinging

[Editor's note: Tania from Chicky Chicky Baby and I had a bet.  It was simple. If your Little League team lost, you had to write a guest post singing the praises of the other's baseball team.  She's a Red Sox fan - something I've been trying to convince her isn't in her best interests - especially since it's an AL team and baseball was meant to be played with 9 players, not 10.  But I digress.  She lost the bet.  And THIS is what she sent me.  Half the post is defending her poor decision to make the bet in the first place and the second half is... not exactly what I had in mind.  But whatever.  I know it took the Red Sox like a 1,000 years to be good so I won't blame her for jumping on the band wagon now.  Anyway, here's her LOSER post.]

I am not a fan of the Little League World Series. There’s something about watching a gang of boys on the cusp of true adolescence try so hard to emulate their sports heroes and only to give up 10 runs in the fifth inning that chokes me up. Sure there are winners – if there are losers there must be someone who wins – but watching the losing team try valiantly to hold on to any semblance of fabricated maturity when faced with putting one in the Lost column after months, even years, of hard work… Let’s just say when I see a twelve year old boy dissolve into angry tears while trying to hide his shame with his ball cap, it makes the Mama Bear in me come out. I want to squeeze them and bake them cookies. And maybe wipe away the dirt on their faces with a spit covered tissue. Which is not weird AT ALL.

So when Matthew wanted to make a bet that his Chula Vista Park View Little League team would beat the local boys from Peabody, MA, I had to root for the home team despite my feelings.

(Although, honestly Peabody is not so local compared to where I live in the state. But whatever, it’s a small state. Everyone pretty much knows everyone else.)

(Okay not really.)

(But let’s get this straight right now, Peabody is not pronounced Pee-Body. It’s not a cartoon dog. It’s pronounced Pee-Buh-Dee. Yes, I feel better now. Thanks for asking.)

I couldn’t say no. I knew it was a fool’s bet – in Little League and High School baseball it takes a special group of northern kids to be able to compete at the same level as teams who get to play all year round because they have access to better weather conditions – but I wouldn’t give Matthew the satisfaction of backing down. There’s the whole East Coast/West Coast thing to consider. I’ve got a rep to protect. East Coast represent!

The stakes: Loser would have to say something nice about the winner’s Major League team. I’m a Red Sox fan – Naturally. I mean, isn’t everyone? – and he’s a Padres fan. Probably the only one.  American League vs. National League.  Designated hitter vs. those who secretly wish they had a designated hitter.  I mean, purists.  Whatever.

Long story short, I lost. I mean, Peabody lost. Chula Vista and their 6 foot 2 inch, 215 pound 13 year old pitcher trounced on the poor, sweet and innocent boys of Peabody. It was painful. There were tears. Ugly tears. The boys looked pretty upset, too.

So now I have to write something nice about the Padres.


Wow, something nice about the Padres? Uh…

Oh, I know! I’ve had a Tony Gwynn rookie card since I was 10 years old. He’s practically the patron saint of the Padres. I can’t believe I held onto it for so long considering all the ones I sacrificed to the spokes of my Pink Huffy tires. It’s in mint condition and it’s worth about sixty bucks at this point… But I think I left it behind with my ex husband and I’m not going back to get it any time soon. And if I continue with this line of thought I may say something nasty so that’s probably not the nice thing Matthew was expecting…. Back to the drawing board.

Something nice, something nice… Hmm…

Petco Park seems great. Beautiful, modern and all that.  I’m jealous…. You can probably get sushi while watching a game! Am I right? Much better than cramped seats and boiled hot dogs and almost a hundred years of baseball legends. Who needs history when you have raw fish wrapped in seaweed! And from what I hear you never have to worry about getting a decent seat – there’s lots of empty ones! So there’s that.

Hey, isn’t your mascot the Chicken??

I loved that guy! I used to watch the Baseball Bunch when I was a kid and that darn Chicken always upstaged Johnny Bench. What skill! What charisma! What… What’s that? He’s not the Padres’ mascot? Well what the hell good is he?? Your mascot is a priest? A Friar? The Swinging Friar? Well, nothing says baseball like a man of the cloth, that’s what I always say. I could also say something about how even God Himself wouldn’t be able to help the Padres but as a lapsed Catholic I’m afraid of the inevitable lightning strike. So, moving on.

(Sorry about the “Hell” thing, God. I’m sure the Chicken counts as one of Your blessed creatures. Don’t hurt me.)

I’ve got it! No really, you’re going to love this one. This is the best thing I can think of about the Padres.


On behalf of Major League Baseball, its fans, players, and associates, we would like to thank the Padres for being a glorified farm team as of late. Because of you other teams, real contenders if you will, have picked up some choice players in the past few years and have gone on to winning seasons. Give yourself a hand, Padres! You’re Triple A but with better salaries! And I’m sure Adrian Gonzalez is there to stay… Until someone else offers him a more lucrative contract.

And if that doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, at least you’re not the Mets.


  1. *snort* Fabulous.

    As a fellow Red Sox fan, I heartily approve of this post.

    Comment by Major Bedhead — August 27, 2009 @ 8:19 am

  2. Wow! I think she still owes you. Just sayin’…

    Comment by kathygee1 — August 27, 2009 @ 8:30 am

  3. Now this post was hilarious.

    Even if it maybe, kinda, didn’t quite fulfill the terms of the bet.

    Comment by Angela — August 27, 2009 @ 9:03 am

  4. LOL, still owes you a post!

    Comment by Hyla — August 27, 2009 @ 9:24 am

  5. Oh c’mon, I said the Padres were better than the Mets! What was I supposed to say? I really love their uniforms?

    And if you don’t like what I wrote, Matthew, there’s always football season.

    Comment by chickybaby — August 27, 2009 @ 10:32 am

  6. I don’t get Red Sox fans. Really.

    Though honestly, Matthew, if you had lost, would your post praising the Red Sox been any better?

    Comment by Deanna — August 27, 2009 @ 10:44 am

  7. Excellent post, Tania! I was hoping you would include the pronunciation guide. And you did a whole lot better than I could have. Tony Gwynn!!!

    Comment by ClumberKim — August 27, 2009 @ 11:22 am

  8. Red Sox fan here. Nice job. Couldn’t have said it any better :)

    Comment by Ashlie- Mommycosm — August 27, 2009 @ 1:14 pm

  9. That a girl Chicky!!! You didn’t let this fellow Red Sox Fan down.(and I live 2 towns from Pee-buh-dee – thanks for clarifying the pronounciation)

    Comment by Steph — August 27, 2009 @ 1:48 pm

  10. You go Chicky, representing the Nation! And those Padres? They’re a major league team? Go figure!

    Comment by margalit — August 27, 2009 @ 9:42 pm

  11. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Et tu Matthew! I do have one more word GIANTS!

    Comment by Grandmother — August 27, 2009 @ 10:23 pm

  12. As a dedicated member of Red Sox Nation, I am standing and applauding Tania’s post.

    Comment by KAS — August 28, 2009 @ 5:07 am

  13. No, not everyone is a Red Sox fan. Those of us with a fully functioning capacity for reasoning *know* that the DH is bunk. ;-)

    Matthew, I’d demand a re-do. While the letter of the bet was met, the spirit was not. Unless the spirit included a hearty helping of snark and back-handed “compliments!”

    Comment by Maura ~ @MoBurns67 — August 28, 2009 @ 10:44 am

  14. The Red Sox? Who are they? The White Sox’s farm team?

    Comment by Suebob — August 29, 2009 @ 4:41 pm

  15. ‘Nother Red Sox fan…take no issue with the fulfillment of the bet. (My grandfather who turns 93 tomorrow is from Puh-Tuck-ut.)

    Comment by cheryl — August 29, 2009 @ 5:09 pm

  16. My son (now 14) *almost* made it to Williamsport during his 12 year old year. Our entire summer was devoted to Little League. It was fun, exciting … and all consuming. When the boys finally lost they were disappointed but after a huge party celebrating how far they’d come they forgot all about it. The dads? They STILL talk about it! : )

    Comment by Twenty Four At Heart — August 29, 2009 @ 9:55 pm

  17. Matthew, you know how I feel about your Padres. I don’t like the Red Sox either.

    However, I approve of this post…because I hate the Mets most of all.

    Comment by ali (adil320) — August 30, 2009 @ 7:33 am

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