August 19, 2009

Candy Land Gone Bad

It started out as a nice Saturday morning. The sun was shining. The birds were chirping. And other than putting food in front of my kids, I hadn’t had to do a darn thing. Change my kids out of their PJs? I laughed at that notion. That would require going upstairs and upstairs is something we do everything we can to avoid when we are being lazy on a Saturday morning.

In another example of how fate was on my side for this lazy and luxurious morning was the kids, surprisingly, were not begging me to join in their play. Not once was I asked to play “Jump on Daddy” or “Jab Daddy in the Eye” or, my personal favorite, “Kick our legs until Daddy sings Soprano.” I even thought I hit paydirt when the kids asked to get out the Candy Land game stashed under our coffee table. This could take up considerable time. So I quickly set up the board and laid back down on my couch, resting from the considerable effort I had just put forth. I watched to make sure they were playing correctly as this was their first ever game without Daddy or Mommy playing with them. They seemed to grasp the idea and they were having fun. Witness:

As I absorbed myself in the hard task of relaxing with Mommy on the couch, suddenly I sense the mood has shifted over in Candy Land. Early on TheMonk had jumped out to a sizeable lead due to an uncanny ability to pick cards with two colored squares on them. Swee’Pea, on the other hand, was plodding along one square at a time. Now, I may have heard TheMonk gloat a little bit (Na. Na na. Na. Naaaa. I’m wiiiinnnnnning.) and that may have lead to a certain girl taking matters into her own hands (i.e. cheating) and before you knew it, my relaxing morning had turned into pure chaos. Witness:

Candy Land Agony

So, I did what any 21st century dad would do. No, I didn’t rush to console them. I grabbed the video camera. A bad morning? Or a trend? You be the judge.


  1. That is too funny! Even my teenager was laughing.

    Comment by kathygee1 — August 19, 2009 @ 11:56 pm

  2. Wow. That brings back memories. I have been through CandyLand Hell and survived!

    Comment by Staceylt — August 20, 2009 @ 12:00 am

  3. Perhaps it’s because I’m watching it on a video and not having to deal with it first hand, but that might be one of my new favorite videos.

    Then again, I told one of the 4yr olds I nanny for that “no, there is only one winner. I won” when she insisted we both won the card game. I didn’t gloat the way her twin brother does, so perhaps that what prevented the tears.

    Comment by bleachusd — August 20, 2009 @ 12:03 am

  4. That is awesome. I love the ‘BUT WE’RE HAVING FUNNNN!’ bit at the end. KIDS!

    Comment by Jen — August 20, 2009 @ 5:13 am

  5. I can’t see the video at work, but I wanted to say that thier jammies are so cute! Too bad the game didn’t work out!

    Comment by Sonya — August 20, 2009 @ 5:52 am

  6. And that is exactly why I gave away our Candy Land game.

    Comment by Kirsten — August 20, 2009 @ 7:06 am

  7. The video was too cute but the photos? I can totally see the glee on TheMonk’s face in the first photo. While I love the total “the world is not fair” look on Swee’Pea’s face in the second one. Too precious!

    Comment by Grace — August 20, 2009 @ 7:13 am

  8. Kids’ ability to fake a cry like that is impressive, no? How much longer did they milk it?

    Comment by Jill — August 20, 2009 @ 7:28 am

  9. THAT IS AWESOME. Love their jammies, too.

    Comment by tracey — August 20, 2009 @ 7:38 am

  10. “It’s not about winning, it’s about having fun”? What the heck are you teaching those kids?? It’s ALL about winning. AT ALL COST. Sweep the leg. Kill, kill, kill…


    Their PJs are super cute.

    Comment by Chicky Chicky Baby — August 20, 2009 @ 7:38 am

  11. OMG that made me laugh so hard!!! I cant wait for my girls to start really playing together. And those PJ’s? ADORABLE. Where from?

    Comment by Gemini-Girl — August 20, 2009 @ 7:57 am

  12. NTS…no Candyland playing for own kids before 2 cups of coffee are completely consumed. Just in case the scenario above were to repeat itself in my house.

    The PJ’s are awesome!

    Comment by Karen Hartzell, Graco — August 20, 2009 @ 8:02 am

  13. Love lazy morning when you don’t have to get out of PJ’s. It’s always a good day when my son doesn’t play ‘Jab Daddy in the Eye’.

    Comment by PJ Mullen — August 20, 2009 @ 9:09 am

  14. We have gone as far as taking out the special cards so nobody gets too far ahead.

    Comment by above average joe — August 20, 2009 @ 9:27 am

  15. I have a Giant Hello Kitty piƱata that would teach them about winning and losing and hitting with determination.

    Comment by Grandmother — August 20, 2009 @ 9:40 am

  16. Wow, so lazy weekend mornings, or some percentage of the weekend morning, will return? Can’t wait…

    Comment by Mike — August 20, 2009 @ 10:28 am

  17. Is it wrong that I laughed through that entire video?

    Comment by MommaSunshine — August 20, 2009 @ 11:02 am

  18. Classic!!! Love it.
    And pretty dang perfect timing seeing as how Candy Land celebrated it’s 60th birthday yesterday. Really. (We went to the party up in San Fran.)

    Comment by M3 — August 20, 2009 @ 11:03 am

  19. You know what’s going to be funnier than that video. Making them watch it in like 10 years. Twins = whining in stereo. Awesome!

    Comment by melissa — August 20, 2009 @ 12:08 pm

  20. Candy Land is EVIL. Evil I tell you. Ha.

    My brother used to over turn every game we played as kids. I never knew board games had an end, or that they took so dang long, until I was an adult. In my house a game ended when Adam thought he was being slighted in some way. Generally in under 15 minutes.

    Ps. Where did you get those cars in the background? That is the coolest ride on toy, I’ve ever seen.

    Comment by Issa — August 20, 2009 @ 12:43 pm

  21. OMG — this brings me back to when my b/g twins were three! And you know what? I actually MISS those days!

    Here’s a fun little exercise for you:

    Think ahead to when they’re 19.

    (I’ll wait.)

    Can you imagine what THOSE fights might sound like? Just imagine!

    (“You threw yourself at her! How embarrassing! She’s my FRIEND and you got all… all.. STUPID on her!” Etceteraaaaah, etceteraaaaaaah, etceteraaaaaaaah!)

    Thanks for the laugh!


    Comment by Carol Snider — August 20, 2009 @ 1:29 pm

  22. Candy Land was doable in our house when I was growing up. It was Monopoly that produced blood and tears. My mother finally banned it.

    That video is priceless!!!

    Comment by Deanna — August 20, 2009 @ 1:44 pm

  23. this is why we do not play candyland at casa de martell.

    Comment by ali — August 20, 2009 @ 2:23 pm

  24. I can’t say that I ever recall a game ending like that in my house when I was a kid BUT my brother did refuse to play board games with me after a certain point. He got tired of losing. :-)

    Comment by Maura — August 20, 2009 @ 3:44 pm

  25. Oh, I so know those days! Our cards are all bent out of shape from the multiple throw-downs in our house. I don’t even think we have a full set anymore. I feel your pain man!

    Comment by Dan — August 20, 2009 @ 4:05 pm

  26. Um…wow. Karma’s a bitch. After laughing at your candyland video, tonight my 4 & 6 yr old daughters had a knock-down, drag out fight over a Ladybug board game that we have…I’ve never seen them fight like that before…!

    Comment by MommaSunshine — August 20, 2009 @ 4:13 pm

  27. hahahahahah

    Oh my God.

    I am ASHAMED at how much I am laughing at this.

    Comment by Miss Britt — August 20, 2009 @ 4:59 pm

  28. Screw Ouija boards. Candyland is the game of the devil. That’s why I left it behind at the ex’s house.

    Comment by Nancy — August 21, 2009 @ 2:23 pm

  29. Your amusement at their misery is only barely concealed!

    Comment by Aina — August 21, 2009 @ 8:40 pm

  30. This was absolutely hilarious. I love how the first photo is sooooo sweet… it is candyland after all, isn’t it?

    And I’ve gotta tell you Matt, thanks for making me feel a whole lot better after reading this today…I only have one 4 year old melting down at a time :) .

    Comment by Karen MEG — August 22, 2009 @ 12:04 pm

  31. This is exactly why I threw away Candy Land.

    Comment by Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — August 23, 2009 @ 11:07 am

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