When my beautiful wife and I got married, we lovingly picked out stuff that people were obligated to buy for us if they wanted to see the babe in the white dress and eat yummy beef wellington.
Much to our delight, people actually fell for this and purchased nice enough stuff that we still use much of that stuff eight years later. The beef wellington is long gone but that pasta strainer is still going strong.
But, as you might imagine, over time some of those gifts have become less and less useful. Andrea burned the toaster a few years back, the soap dispenser became rusted and some of the non-stick cookware became a bit more sticky.
But the latest casualty has me a bit perplexed. You see, for the price of admission to witness the coming together of two beautiful people in the bonds of holy matrimony, eight different people bought us 100% genuine silver-looking flatware. Each of those sets of flatware consisted of a knife that’s perfect for scraping burnt parts of toast, a large spoon that fits perfectly into the peanut butter jar, a small spoon that you can hang from the tip of your nose, a big fork that is perfect for fishing out the last pickle and a small fork that is the perfect size for stabbing your toddler sibling.
We started out with 8 of each of those individual pieces of flatware but lately I noticed that I was always searching for forks. There last straw was when I had to fish out the last pickle with my hands. I finally decided to do an inventory of flatware and this is the number of each item I found.
Burnt Toast scraper: 6
Peanut Butter spoon: 8
Balancing Nose spoon: 6
Pickle Jar fork: 2
Stabbing Sibling fork: 2
That’s right, we have lost 12 forks over the past eight years. And since I don’t think people will fall for the “bring us some flatware for some beef wellington” ruse again, I had to think of what to do. As far as I knew, I’d have to buy full sets of the flatware to get us back to the number to have dinner guests without resorting to the forks with bunny rabbits on the end. But then we’d end up with 14 Peanut Butter spoons and I don’t eat that much peanut butter.
But the wonders of the Internet never cease to amaze me. I found a company called Replacements, Ltd. that actually will sell you individual flatware pieces! So, last night after recounting all of the flatware, I purchased the missing items. In a 7-10 business days we can finally have you over for dinner.
But you can forget the beef wellington. How about a beef hot dog?
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