When the twins were born, in all the excitement and extreme sleep deprivation that was subjected upon us at the hospital, somewhere along the line Beautiful Wife and I must have misplaced the Owners Manual on the twins. She insists that since she was the one that was having squirming, screaming objects removed from her belly that I should have taken responsibility for securing the owners manuals in a safe place.
In my defense I was a little distracted too. I mean, have you seen the vending machines at the hospital?
Anyway, sometimes it would be nice to be able to consult this manual when things come up that defy explanation. For example, Swee’Pea and TheMonk have recently been introduced to the wonders of ketchup. (Or is it catsup? I can never remember.) It started innocently enough. I’d give them a little dab of ketchup with their fries from Chick-fil-a.
But soon, a little dab wasn’t enough.
Soon, the twins were clamoring for ketchup whenever possible. And it was no longer a condiment enjoyed with other savory treats. No, it became a main dish. TheMonk would scoop up whatever he could with his bare hands and shove it into his gaping mouth – often missing the mouth and depositing red, gooiness onto his entire face.
Last night, TheMonk took the art of ketchup eating to a whole new level. The twins were dining on fine cuisine of fish sticks and broccoli when TheMonk decided that even broccoli tasted good with ketchup. Even now, when I think of the taste of ketchup combining with the taste and texture of broccoli, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and little shivers go down my spine.
But, I guess things could be worse. They could request chocolate syrup on everything (mental note: don’t give kids chocolate syrup any time soon) or refuse to eat their vegetables entirely.
But if they ever get to the point where they don’t want to eat their vegetables, I can take comfort knowing I can just hand them a bottle of ketchup and they can chug it down to get their vitamins from all that tomatoey goodness. In fact, if the government had classified ketchup as a vegetable back in the early 1980′s like they had proposed, I could forget the vegetables entirely.
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