May 11, 2006

If a mommy were President…

If a mommy was President…

-The country would be forced to nap daily so mommy could get some work done.
-The deficit would be reduced by using double coupons and buying things wholesale.
-Countries who didn’t obey would be given a timeout but would later get milk and cookies for being good.
-Starbucks would be nationalized for the good of the people.
-Not only would the deficit be resolved, healthcare, immigration and drug issues would be solved by 5:00 p.m. – just in time to cook dinner and help the kids with their homework.
-Countries from across the globe would toe the line just from hearing the phrase “Don’t make me come over there!”
-There would be twice as many women’s restrooms than men’s restrooms in every building in the country.
-Formula would be $1.99 a can while Malt Liquor would be $20.00 a bottle.
-All cars would be equipped with navigational devices so Daddies wouldn’t have to pretend they weren’t lost.
-She’d find a lot better ways to spend 280 billion dollars.
-The streets and highways would be spotless – because you never know when visitors might come over.
-It would be against the law to wear underwear with holes in it.
-Ms. Manners would be Secretary of the Interior
-Congress would debate law over a Saturday Play Date in the park.
-Guns would be outlawed by saying “You’ll put an eye out with that thing.”
-A National campaign would be started to address the horrors of kids who made a funny face and it froze that way.
-The FCC would stop fining Howard Stern and instead wash his mouth out with soap.
-Chocolate would be added to the new food pyramid
-The Presidential limo would be a mini-van.
-She’d finally fix that crack in the Liberty Bell that all the male Presidents said they were going to fix but never got around to doing.
-The White House would be remodled in a Spanish style bungalo, complete with stucco, Mexican Ceramic Tile and palm trees.
-Mother’s Day would be a National Holiday.

Happy Mother’s day to all of you mommies out there. You make the world go ’round.

And to my own Mommy – I love you (even if you do make fun of me on my blog).

Mommy Post
This was a part of the “bloggect” by Kara at Cape Buffalo. Click here to see the other posts.


  1. Wash his mouth out with soap…heh heh heh. Did you actually ever know anyone who’s mouth was washed out with soap? I heard rumors when I was a kid about a kid who had that done to him and the kid wasn’t right in the head. A connection? I think so.

    Comment by Arwen — May 12, 2006 @ 7:21 am

  2. This is my favorite:

    “Countries from across the globe would toe the line just from hearing the phrase “Don’t make me come over there!””

    Comment by Vixen — May 12, 2006 @ 9:51 am

  3. Don’t forget more money for schools and spas. MMMMM spaaaaas.

    Comment by Kara — May 12, 2006 @ 10:02 am

  4. I like the Nap and Mother’s day, I think some Latin American Countries already do those two. I like the the Spanish style bungalow and we may as well change the name to go with the theme; La Casa Blanca. Feliz Dia de Las Madres, hijos.

    Comment by Grandmother — May 12, 2006 @ 10:15 am

  5. Matthew that was freaking great. I love this one -Starbucks would be nationalized for the good of the people.

    Comment by Melissa — May 12, 2006 @ 12:25 pm

  6. Great post! And my favorite has to be….

    -Chocolate would be added to the new food pyramid

    Comment by Andie D. — May 12, 2006 @ 7:37 pm

  7. “Spanish bungalow.” “Starbucks.”

    It’s like you read my mind.

    Comment by MIM — May 13, 2006 @ 8:04 am

  8. I had my mouth washed out a few times as a kid. Whether or not I turned out OK is up for debate.

    Comment by RetroDad — May 13, 2006 @ 10:58 am

  9. I like the nap one. Do you think we could legislate that? :)

    Comment by Deanna — May 13, 2006 @ 3:25 pm

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