May 11, 2006

If a mommy were President…

If a mommy was President…

-The country would be forced to nap daily so mommy could get some work done.
-The deficit would be reduced by using double coupons and buying things wholesale.
-Countries who didn’t obey would be given a timeout but would later get milk and cookies for being good.
-Starbucks would be nationalized for the good of the people.
-Not only would the deficit be resolved, healthcare, immigration and drug issues would be solved by 5:00 p.m. - just in time to cook dinner and help the kids with their homework.
-Countries from across the globe would toe the line just from hearing the phrase “Don’t make me come over there!”
-There would be twice as many women’s restrooms than men’s restrooms in every building in the country.
-Formula would be $1.99 a can while Malt Liquor would be $20.00 a bottle.
-All cars would be equipped with navigational devices so Daddies wouldn’t have to pretend they weren’t lost.
-She’d find a lot better ways to spend 280 billion dollars.
-The streets and highways would be spotless - because you never know when visitors might come over.
-It would be against the law to wear underwear with holes in it.
-Ms. Manners would be Secretary of the Interior
-Congress would debate law over a Saturday Play Date in the park.
-Guns would be outlawed by saying “You’ll put an eye out with that thing.”
-A National campaign would be started to address the horrors of kids who made a funny face and it froze that way.
-The FCC would stop fining Howard Stern and instead wash his mouth out with soap.
-Chocolate would be added to the new food pyramid
-The Presidential limo would be a mini-van.
-She’d finally fix that crack in the Liberty Bell that all the male Presidents said they were going to fix but never got around to doing.
-The White House would be remodled in a Spanish style bungalo, complete with stucco, Mexican Ceramic Tile and palm trees.
-Mother’s Day would be a National Holiday.

Happy Mother’s day to all of you mommies out there. You make the world go ’round.

And to my own Mommy - I love you (even if you do make fun of me on my blog).

Mommy Post
This was a part of the “bloggect” by Kara at Cape Buffalo. Click here to see the other posts.

9 Comments »

  1. Wash his mouth out with soap…heh heh heh. Did you actually ever know anyone who’s mouth was washed out with soap? I heard rumors when I was a kid about a kid who had that done to him and the kid wasn’t right in the head. A connection? I think so.

    Comment by Arwen — May 12, 2006 @ 7:21 am

  2. This is my favorite:

    “Countries from across the globe would toe the line just from hearing the phrase “Don’t make me come over there!””

    Comment by Vixen — May 12, 2006 @ 9:51 am

  3. Don’t forget more money for schools and spas. MMMMM spaaaaas.

    Comment by Kara — May 12, 2006 @ 10:02 am

  4. I like the Nap and Mother’s day, I think some Latin American Countries already do those two. I like the the Spanish style bungalow and we may as well change the name to go with the theme; La Casa Blanca. Feliz Dia de Las Madres, hijos.

    Comment by Grandmother — May 12, 2006 @ 10:15 am

  5. Matthew that was freaking great. I love this one -Starbucks would be nationalized for the good of the people.

    Comment by Melissa — May 12, 2006 @ 12:25 pm

  6. Great post! And my favorite has to be….

    -Chocolate would be added to the new food pyramid

    Comment by Andie D. — May 12, 2006 @ 7:37 pm

  7. “Spanish bungalow.” “Starbucks.”

    It’s like you read my mind.

    Comment by MIM — May 13, 2006 @ 8:04 am

  8. I had my mouth washed out a few times as a kid. Whether or not I turned out OK is up for debate.

    Comment by RetroDad — May 13, 2006 @ 10:58 am

  9. I like the nap one. Do you think we could legislate that? :)

    Comment by Deanna — May 13, 2006 @ 3:25 pm

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