February 28, 2006

What I would do with $267,000,000…

Tonight’s Mega-Millions Lottery Jackpot here in California has reached unprecedented heights. $267 million dollars. That could buy a lot of diapers. When I was living in New York City, the New York State Lottery had a slogan that was plastered on just about every other advertisement placard on every subway car. It read: “All you need is a dollar and a dream.”

Well, today I just so happened to have a dollar and I’ve had plenty of time to conjure up a dream. So, here is what I will do if when I win tonight’s $267 million.

  • Purchase the Starbucks down the street and hire someone to deliver to my home whenever I want.
  • Go back to that store on Rodeo Drive and tell the girl, “Big Mistake. Huge. I have to go shopping now.” (Wait, was that me?)
  • Buy clothes. Lots of clothes. Hire a personal shopper to bring me clothes.
  • Have someone erase one of the m’s on each M&M that is brought into my house.
  • Hire a chef to cook delicious, healthy meals – ’cause I’m pretty tired of eating crap cooking all the time.
  • Hire a personal trainer (not named Andrea) to kick my ass into shape.
  • Quit work and start a foundation. It’d be nice to give out $ instead of begging for it all the time.
  • Buy every children’s book people suggested to me on my blogfather’s post.
  • Give $1000 to each person who has ever left a comment on my blog. (It’s not too late…)
  • Rebuild my Y*M*C*A. The Childsplayx2 Family Y has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
  • Build Nutmeg the cat her own room, complete with cat walks and all the baby socks she can steal.
  • Actually purchase a flat screen television, a DVR, an ipod, and any other electronic gadget that I don’t have the money to buy right now.
  • Set up a fund to help parents with preemies. Every time I read about twins and other preemie babies, I feel so fortunate that we have healthy babies.
  • Send every child in our extended families to college.
  • Purchase a minority stake in the San Francisco Giants. I’d have all the players call me “Boss.”
  • Spend as much time as I can with TheMonk and Swee’Pea. ‘Cause, damn, they’re getting bigger every day.
  • Having said that, hiring an extra person to help us out during the day. “Cause, damn, they’re getting bigger every day.
  • Never, Ever, Ever clean the house again. Pay someone handsomely to do that.
  • Replace our 1994 Nissan Altima with something a little newer. Like something built this millenium.
  • Outspend some haughty rich politician for a seat in local government.
  • Help put music programs back into local schools. Because the world needs more bad guitar players.
  • I’d…
  • What? You say the chances of winning this lottery is 1 in 175,711,536? Hmmmmm.

    So, you’re telling me there’s a chance!

    Hey, all you need is a dollar and a dream!

    Check back tomorrow when I show off my brand new duds. And don’t forget the M&M’s.


    1. I really hope you win. I’ve left a ton of comments. (You give $1000 for each comment, right?)

      I also need a lot of diapers. And one can never have enough Elmos (according to Claudia anyway).

      Comment by Sarah — March 1, 2006 @ 7:05 am

    2. Good luck! THe most I’ve ever won in a lottery has been $50.

      Oh, what I could do with $267 million…

      Comment by Chag — March 1, 2006 @ 7:09 am

    3. Oh, the dreams I have and wait, I think there’s a buck on the landfill floor of my minivan! Count me in on the moola!

      Comment by momdana — March 1, 2006 @ 7:44 am

    4. So … are you lying low and hiding out from the media?

      Comment by Becky — March 1, 2006 @ 10:23 am

    5. I have been playing that “If I win” game for a while now. COme to think of it, I should check my ticket, maybe I won. I love your Starbucks idea. If I win, can I steal it?

      Comment by Melissa — March 1, 2006 @ 10:51 am

    6. I’m rooting for you as well. $1000 per comment… nice.

      Uh, don’t be surprised if you get like 1000 comments from me in the next day or two… no reason.

      Comment by Kemp — March 1, 2006 @ 12:01 pm

    7. LOVE THE LIST! I play this game all the time. I’m with Melissa – that Starbucks idea is fabulous.

      Comment by Deanna — March 1, 2006 @ 12:31 pm

    8. Can I be your personal clothes shopper or your personal chef if you win? Better yet, do you need a personal “video game consultant,” or anything along those lines? That’s closer to my area of expertise. Really, I’m worthless… but you can pay me to do just about anything.

      Comment by Mormondaddy — March 1, 2006 @ 2:20 pm

    9. Pay up.

      Comment by BIYF — March 3, 2006 @ 12:13 pm

    10. Love the Pretty Woman reference.

      Comment by the weirdgirl — March 7, 2006 @ 9:26 pm

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