Why didn’t I think of this A woman has decided to sell advertising space on her baby. We’ve got two babies on the way and we could make some serious cash with double the advertising space available.

If you have a business out there, let’s talk.

Today I shared a moment with the woman who was driving the car next to me in traffic as we both realized we were both singing to Maroon 5’s “This Love” on the radio. We smiled and sheepishly looked away - slightly embarrassed by being caught rocking out in the car - but my smile stayed long after the song ended.

That’s what this world needs - more Maroon 5 and less road rage.

I spent the first 8 years of my life living in a small country town, population: 500 (which is now a thriving metropolis of 2,800). Because of this upbringing, I was influenced by country music as a youngster. In fact, my first live concert was seeing John Denver at the Cow Palace in San Francisco. Since then, I have turned away from my country roots and embraced a wide array of music. Over the years I have had my Heavy Metal phase (my mom hated AC/DC’s Back in Black), my decidedly Pop phase (I have far too many Mariah Carey CD’s), and even a short-lived Rap phase (I saw MC Hammer in concert as well). In between I was influenced by the music my mother played in the house. I vividly recall songs from the Doobie Brothers, Marvin Gaye, Donna Summers, Pablo Cruise and Boz Scaggs, to name a few.

In recent years I have enjoyed crossover country musicians like Shania Twain and Faith Hill. However, it took Carrie Underwood to make me a Country Fan again. I admit, I’m smitten with the small-town country girl on American Idol. While I have watched the show since its inception, this is the first time that I have voted for someone. I have been phoning in my votes for the past several weeks - never wavering, always voting for my girl Carrie. The past few weeks I was greeted by a message from Carrie when I got through (”Hi, thank you for voting for me, Carrie. Tune in tomorrow night at 9:00/8:00 Central to see the results”). Tonight, I was rewarded by Carrie winning the competition. I must say, I felt a certain amount of pride knowing that my votes may have been the ones that put her over the top.

Now, I guess I’ll have to buy her CD. Yay Carrie!

Driving home in rush hour I notice the license plate frame of the car to my left reads “Sometimes Naughty, Always a Lady.”

As I passed the car I glance at the driver. It is a middle-aged man with a beard.

Dear Brianna and Jonathan,

You aren’t born yet but already you’re making your presence known. Your mother has broken out in a rash and while we definitely want you to be “fully baked” when you come out, I know your mom is ready to get on with this parenting thing. Brianna, you seem to be the wiggly one of the two. Right now you are poking your mother all the time. It’s not uncommon to see Mom jump with each little jab she feels from you. J.T., you seem more laid back and only seem to wiggle when Mom eats something sweet. You seem to love ice cream and red licorice - which we’ll have to limit once you get out. I hope you understand.

We have been working hard getting ready for your arrival. Your room is just about ready. Your mother has been washing all of your clothes - and thanks to your grandmother, there’s a lot of clothes to wash! I’m sorry you two will have to share a room to start. But we weren’t expecting both of you so soon and we’re not quite ready to give up the guest room quite yet. You two can fight over it in another five years or so.

I’m very excited about meeting you two. You see, I have been bugging your mother since we got married 5 years ago to start having kids. She made me wait (Something about having to buy a house first). You’ll soon find out that I’m the more spontaneous one while your mother is the one with the plan (Don’t worry, we balance each other out perfectly and you’ll benefit from both us, I promise). I’m positive that we got both of you at once simply because she made me wait so long to start. We sure showed her, didn’t we

Anyway, I have very high hopes for you both. I can’t wait to see you grow up. I’m looking forward to soccer games, school plays, and playing in the back yard. I can’t wait to teach you your 1,2,3’s and your A,B,C’s. I can’t wait to teach you to throw a curve ball or how to explode out of the starting blocks. Now, I don’t want you to think I’m one of those overbearing fathers who wants you to do everything perfectly. I’m not going to push you into doing things you don’t want to do. I just want you to do your best at whatever you attempt. When it comes to sports, however, if you’re not thrilled with track and field, please humor me for just a little bit. Okay

We’re ready to take you home now. This weekend I installed your infant carriers into the backseat of Mom’s car. Your mom doesn’t know it yet, but no one else will be riding in the backseat of that car until you two are in the fourth grade. Those seats are not easy to install!

Now, we’re just waiting for you whenever you decide to come. When you get out, make sure you give your mom extra cuddles. She’s done everything possible to make sure you’re healthy. She’s been exercising, eating right (most of the time) and getting her rest. Which is a good thing, because after you’re born I don’t think we’re getting any rest anytime soon.

Well, keep getting big (I bet you’re both near 6 pounds by now!) and we’ll see you on your birthday!

Love,
Dad.

Last night I had to make a run to the grocery store around 10:30 at night (after all, you can’t have home-made peach cobbler without vanilla ice cream!).

As I stood in line to pay, I noticed that everyone in front of me had, like me, only one or two items. It was interesting to imagine just what brought these people to the store for that item. They were…

1) Teenage boy with a small bottle of Elmers Glue.

2) Young man with a package of lunchmeat.

3) Young man with a package of toilet paper (Now, we KNOW what brought him in.)

4) Young man with a twelve pack of Budweiser.

5) Teenage girls with box of Cocoa Puffs and a gallon of milk.

6) Me with the vanilla ice cream.

If we all got together with our one item, that would be some party. (The glue guy could come because every party needs one of those.)

In no particular order

1) People who don’t wear their seat belts

2) Blonde, female singers

3) Donald Trump Mania

4) The OC

5) Diet soda at fast food restaurants

6) People who still use their checkbooks to shop

7) The Wiggles

8) Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy (Hang in there Honey!)

9) How my wife can fit two big babies in her belly

10) How I can love those little guys soooooooo much.

As Andrea and I wrapped up the finishing touches on the nursery, we found a wallpaper border that spoke volumes for what I envision for Brianna and Jonathan. I am four weeks, at most, from being a father and all I think about is these two precious souls that I will be meeting soon. I am now, more than any other time in my life, acutely aware of who I am, and who I will have to be once these gifts are born. I am ready to be a father. I’m ready to foster joy, encourage dreams, give unconditional love, share hopes, know peace and teach an unadulterated belief in themselves.

I’m aware of the influence I will have on these children - good or bad. I know there will be hardships but I also know each moment will be special and not to be taken for granted. You see, impending fatherhood has given me a real sense of my own mortality. My father died when I was six years old. While I have vague memories of him I believe most of my memories are created through photographs that I have seen over the years. I do, however, remember how he smelled. To this day, whenever I smell something that conjures up the image of my father, I feel comforted.

At least I have a sense of who my father was. My younger brother was only a year old when he died and, I’m sure, has no real recollection of him. I can only imagine how hard it must be to have no memory of your father. I have always done the best I can to be there for my brother but I know that there is no substitute for the real thing.

And that has got me thinking about my own situation. I so badly want to be there for my children. I want to see their first smiles, their first steps, hear their first words, hear them say “Daddy” for the first time. I want to see them play sports, play music, or just… play. I look forward to seeing them grow up - a series of milestones that include baptisms, first communions, first days of kindergarten, graduations, marriages and grandchildren. I want them to know how much their father loves them and that I will always be there for them - in a way I, nor my brother, never had.

When I was younger I often wondered if I would know what it is to be a father. Not having a father role-model made me scared that perhaps I wouldn’t be up for the task. But now, I know better. The love I have for these two beautiful babies leads my thoughts and my actions. Love comes first and I know that love is enough to start.

The rest I’m just gonna have to figure out.

We had our latest ultrasound appointment today. Because we are expecting twins, we have had a monthly ultrasound since the beginning. We have become quite used to the exams and I like to watch over the technician’s shoulder and see what she’s doing. Here’s the what they measure…

1) Head Circumference
2) Stomach/midsection circumference
3) Length of ulna bone
4) Length of femur bone
5) A look at the four ventricles of the heart
6) A look at the kidneys
7) Measure the space between lip and nose

Through all this information the computer spits out the weight of the baby based on the measurements provided by the technician. One month ago the babies were almost identical in weight and were 3 pounds. Today, we were surprised to learn that J.T. is now 5 lbs. 7 oz. and Brianna is 5 lbs. 1 oz. And we’re only at week 33! We were hoping to get to the middle of June but now it appears they may come a bit sooner. Pretty exciting stuff!

Tonight Andrea and I attended a lactation class to learn how to feed the two little ones after they arrive. We were the only couple expecting twins so we got a little extra attention as the Certified Lactation Expert gave us all tips on how to make breast feeding easier. This being a class about breasts, I thought I might enjoy it. While it wasn’t quite what I was hoping, there were some fun moments that occured while receiving some much-needed info.

The highlights…

To break the ice, the expert handed out, to each of us, a small trinket that was supposed to represent something about breast feeding. We then went around the room saying what we thought our trinket meant. For example, one lady had money which meant breast feeding was more economical than bottle feeding. One of the men had a condom. He guessed it was because women weren’t supposed to get pregnant while breast feeding. The expert corrected him by saying that women could get pregnant so the condom was a reminder that, while intimacy was important, condoms were a necessity if you didn’t want to get pregnant again. While on the topic, the expert stressed the importance of having a sexual relationship after getting clearance from the doctor. She then said, “Find the time to fit it in. Put the baby to sleep and then take advantage of that time. You’ll only need 10 minutes or less, right”

During the talk, the expert kept talking about milk ducts. I, however, kept hearing Milk Duds and I had a hard time focusing with images of chocolate and caramel dancing in my head.

As we got to the part on how dads could help, it was suggested that the dads always be the ones to give a bottle while mom is breast feeding so the baby associates Dad with the bottle and Mom with the breast. In fact, she strongly suggested that for the first bottle feeding Dad send Mom out for a massage or a manicure so he can feed the baby without Mom listening at the door. After her talk, one woman asked “So let me get this straight, the mother is supposed to be gone when the Dad gives the baby it’s very first bottle” “That’s correct” the expert replied. At this point I noticed the reaction of the women in the room and I couldn’t help comment out loud, “And all the moms in the room chuckled nervously.”

Finally, we were given dolls to work with as the moms practiced each of the different techniques of holding the baby while breast feeding (Andrea was given the advanced course of how to do two at a time). Once we were done, we held the dolls on our lap for the remainder of the talk. At one point, one of the fathers clumsily dropped the baby doll on the floor. A horrified look crossed his face as he lunged for the doll at his feet and quickly handed the doll off to his wife. The rest of the class burst out laughing.

Thank God that wasn’t me.