• You can tell the difference between breast milk and formula at a glance
• The trading deadline passed and you have no idea who your team got
• You walk around with vomit on you, only this time you’re sober
• You?ve shown up at work with slacks but no belt
• You leave the house forgetting a major step in your grooming regimen
• You?ve become a little too familiar with the nuances of Closed Caption TV
• You know the differences between Target and Wal-mart’s baby sections
• You have a million pics of the kids but only five have you in the photo
• You now get more baby magazines than sporting magazines
• One of your Firefox Mozilla startup tabs is BabyCenter.com
• You go around humming lullabies all day long
• You spend more money on baby stuff than electronic equipment
• You get a special glee when you?re able to buy electronic baby stuff
• Your wife whips off her shirt and you know it?s not for you
• When singing along with songs, you change the lyrics so that they are baby appropriate
• Jokes about bowl movements just aren?t as funny anymore
• Fart jokes, on the other hand, are still frickin? hilarious
• If anyone wanted to sit in the backseat of your car, they would have to sit facing the rear
• Your coffee table books now include Baby 411 and What to Expect, The First Year.
• Instead of talking sports with the guys at work, you talk about solutions to reflux with the mothers.
• You refer to yourself in the third person every where you go
• You go to work to get some much needed rest
• The phrase ?Who?s your Daddy? doesn?t mean what it used to

In no particular order

1) People who don’t wear their seat belts

2) Blonde, female singers

3) Donald Trump Mania

4) The OC

5) Diet soda at fast food restaurants

6) People who still use their checkbooks to shop

7) The Wiggles

Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy (Hang in there Honey!)

9) How my wife can fit two big babies in her belly

10) How I can love those little guys soooooooo much.

I am originally from the Bay Area and a co-worker of mine is moving there in August. I have made a list of places for her to see and I will share them periodically with you.

Festivals (I love a good festival)

Gilroy Garlic Festival � Gilroy, CA
Last weekend in July. Garlic EVERYTHING. You MUST try the garlic ice cream.

Artichoke Festival – Castroville, CA
Mid May. There’s a road race and all the fried artichoke hearts you can eat.

Half Moon Bay Art & Pumpkin Festival – Half Moon Bay, CA
Mid-October. Great chance to pick out the perfect pumpkin.

Begonia Festival � Capitola, CA
Labor Day weekend. Elaborate floats made of begonias float down Soquel Creek. Also has a great sand castle building contest.

My brother is having a baby. Well, HE’S not having the baby, his wife Liz is, but you know what I mean. I’m sure he’ll be a great dad. I already know he’ll teach his child the following musts:

-Underwear can also make a cool hat
-It’s OK to act like a child
-The only baseball team to root for is the
San Francisco Giants
-Running with scissors may not be a good thing.
-One must always wear shoes in the garage.

10) No more waiting to use the bathroom
9) Having more storage than we know what to do with
Having a garage
7) Getting to paint the walls any color we want
6) Indoor washer & dryer
5) Guests no longer have to sleep in our living room
4) No longer having to listen to upstair neighbor’s music
3) No longer having to listen to next door neighbors arguing
2) Not having to write Apt. 440 on our addresses anymore
1) Taxes, taxes, taxes.

5) Not as much floor space to vacuum
4) Not as many places to look for the car keys
3) Pool, hot tub and workout room
2) Only one bathroom to clean
1) On-call maintenance guy!