-Soft, chubby cheeks.

-The lavender smell of freshly cleaned babies.

-Putting on socks and shoes.

-”Da-ddy?”

-Crawling, feet-first, down stairs.

-Food in tiny little pieces.

-Sippy cups.

-Sign Language.

-”What sound does an elephant make?” “Pffft.”

-”What sound does a bird make?” “Pbbbbbt.”

-Bedtime lullabies.

-”Hi-ya” and “Buh-Bye”

-Tossing babies into the air.

-Little hands holding my finger.

-Crawling into my lap.

-Standing up in cribs to welcome me in the morning.

-2-hour naps.

-First words.

-First steps.

-Firsts.

-Gobbling toes.

-Raspberries on bellies.

-”Sssshhh!” (As TheMonk stalks kitty)

-Two beautiful babies.

Now that I’ve accumulated a vast amount of experience in my (almost) first year of being a parent, I feel that I’m qualified enough to hand out some pointers to those who are traversing this slippery slope called parenthood for the first time. I know many people find parenting blogs hoping to gain little nuggets of wisdom in how to handle a seven-pound bundle of pure energy. So, here are few things I’ve learned that might be useful…

1) Lowrider pants for babies? Eyeballing the size of baby clothes is an acquired skill. What I’ve learned is if you go by the age on the label of baby clothes, it will be too small. For example, if your baby is 6 months old, go with the 9 month clothes. I cannot tell you how many times I tried on an outfit only to find that the baby had almost outgrown it. They won’t fit into those clothes for long so wear them early and wear them often.

2) How do I look in this thong? Always have the next-sized diaper on hand. One day, the baby will fit fine into that size one diaper and the next day your baby will look like it’s sunbathing on the French Riviera. Trust me, the thong look isn’t what you want when it’s time for your baby to go Number Two.

3) What’s up doc? We have taken full advantage of our health plan’s advice nurse. We’ve made at least 4 or 5 visits to the emergency room or to the “after-hours” pediatrician. Just resign yourself to the fact that you may have to drop everything and go to the doctor. For some reason, babies seem to know when you have an important meeting at work or when American Idol is on and they pick that time to start tugging painfully at their ear.

4) There’s no I in TEAM. Raising a baby is everyone’s job. Dads, I love you. I really do. But we get a bad rap when it comes to baby care out there and the only way we’re going to beat this rap is for us to rise up and change diapers, do 3:00 a.m. feedings, and play with the kids. Oh, and moms out there, I love you too. I really do. But you have to trust us dads just a little bit. I mean, what are the chances we’ll actually maim the child? It’s really very slim.

5) It’s 1:00 p.m., do you know where your child is? Getting your baby on a schedule is probably the best thing you can do for you and your child. With twins, the schedule got us through the first year. It will get you through your first year too. Nap times? Same time every day. Feeding times? Ditto. Your baby will respond well and you’ll be happy knowing what your day will look like.

6) Sleeping Beauty. Everyone has ideas on how to get a baby to sleep through the night. We used a modifed version of the Ferber method but the important thing is to use the method you feel most comfortable with. Just know that once a baby is ready to sleep through the night, do your best to facilitate it. Why torture yourself any longer than necessary?

7) No one likes a know-it-all. When it comes to parenting, we can never know it all. Keep yourself open to new ideas because when you continue to learn, your baby is the winner.

Well, that’s all I got for now. What about my loyal readers? What advice would you give a new parent?

This was a banner weekend at the Childsplayx2 household. We actually took at least one of the twins out on both Saturday and Sunday.

On Saturday, TheMonk and I went to my Y*M*C*Ato see the Healthy Kids Day activities our Y was hosting. TheMonk got his face painted and was fawned over by every childcare worker we have. At first, he wasn’t sure by all of the attention. His look was so serious that his cheeks seemed even chubbier than usual, leading one of my staff to say that he looked like a “little Godfather.” I had to laugh, because it was so true. After a while, however, he warmed up and we had a great afternoon. TheMonk started babbling non-stop (showing off to the pretty girls, I’m sure) until we finally had to head on home.

On Sunday, the whole family packed up and headed to the church where we will be getting them baptized, figuring it would be nice to actually attend a mass at the church since we’ve never attended that one. Again, TheMonk wanted to talk after getting warmed up. Luckily, it was muffled by his binky and it wasn’t too loud. Swee’Pea also got into the act by letting out an occasional shriek. Overall, however, they behaved beautifully.

After mass, we headed to the mall to get them some baptism clothes. I suggested bathing suits, but Andrea wasn’t too sure. So, we picked up a little white dress for Swee’Pea and a cute little suit for TheMonk. Stay tuned for photos.

The greatest thing about this trip is that Swee’Pea got the front seat in the stroller (she’s usually too shy to be comfortable in the front seat) and she LOVED it. She was swinging her feet and waving to everyone who passed. Being the typical big brother, TheMonk kept trying to reach forward and pull Swee’Pea’s hair. But, overall, it was a great time.

The other great thing that happened this weekend is that our dear friends Chris and Kristie volunteered to baby sit while Andrea and I went out. I know. I’m nominating them for sainthood in the near future. They can be the patron saints of twin parents. Anyway, Andrea and I enjoyed a dinner out followed by some coffee at Starbucks. The conversation was great and we only talked about the twins 85% of the time. Not bad. Although, you know you’ve been preoccupied when you can no longer remember your age.

Me: “I can’t believe I’m going to be 35 in a few months. Thirty-five! Where did that come from?!”
Andrea: “You’re going to be 35?”
Me: “Yep. And you’re going to be XX*”
Andrea: “I am? No, I’m not!”
Me: “Yes, you are. You’re X years younger than me. You were born in 19XX. That means you’re going to be XX.”
Andrea: “Wow.”

So, as you can see, we need to get out more often. If only to keep track of our age!

*The author wishes to remain sleeping in his bed. The couch is not nearly as comfortable. Therefore, his wife’s age will not be revealed in this post.

I’m not a guy who understands electronic devices very well. It takes me a while to program the DVD player and configuring my wireless router was an adventure that ended in swallowing my pride by calling in reinforcements.

So, you know I’m in trouble when I give my children the TV and DVD remotes to play with and it takes me 10 minutes to figure out how to undo whatever they did to make the picture on the television screen disappear.

No more remote control playing for the twins. I’m giving them the phone only from now on. Of course that might change after our next phone bill. For all I know, they’re crank calling Bangladesh.

First, let me say that I have a horrible sense of smell. I never knew this would come in handy until I started changing diapers. Just by the look of things, I can tell just how lucky I am to not be blown over by the odoriferous eminations coming from each Huggies. In fact, I have yet to be totally repulsed by anything I’ve seen to date. Granted, we haven’t introduced the kids to meats or even exotic vegetables yet but, so far so good.

Until this morning.

TheMonk has a stomach virus and he vomited enough times yesterday where the advice nurse had me take him to the local Children’s Hospital to get him checked out. He was finally able to keep down some pedialyte and that became his source of nourishment for the rest of the night. This morning, a much-improved TheMonk was hungry and ready for some breast milk. He nursed ravenously and everything was good. Until I picked him up to move him to another room.

The odor hit me like a sledgehammer. The stench was so bad I thought I saw fumes rising from his little butt.

He smiled at me and I tried to smile back but it’s hard to smile and gag at the same time. Proving my love for my son yet once more, I maneuvered him to the diaper-changing table and was resigned to changing the diaper myself (Andrea, the lucky woman, was in the shower). Holding my breath, I carefully peeled away the diaper. A cloud of viscous odor rose up towards the heavens. The paint on the wall beside us started to peel. My eyes started to water. I looked over at TheMonk and, oblivious to the smell, was cooing away softly. I then glanced down at the diaper and was shocked at what I saw. It was bright, flourescent-red!* MY GOD, IT’S TOXIC WASTE! OH MAN, OH MAN, OH MAN. Lord, please help me in my time of need.

I quickly grabbed a handful of baby wipes and started wiping furiously, hoping to end the nasal assault as quickly as possible. Once I no longer saw any red, I wrapped up the diaper and threw it into the diaper bin and closed the lid with a bang. I glanced over at TheMonk once again as I panted from exertion and a lack of oxygen. The hairs lining my nose were now curled and slightly tinged. I wiped away the tears from my eyes and finished dressing TheMonk.

I have tried to resume my day. I have tried to pretend like my life is the same. But, in truth, my life will never be the same - not knowing that there is a smell out there as bad as that. For the rest of the day, all I have smelled is that odor. It clings to me like a bad first-date. I keep washing my hands, face, hair, and THE SMELL JUST WON’T GO AWAY. It won’t. Right now, I write this and you are secondary as the smell permeates my mind and, I’m sure, is currently eating away at my brain. Please…

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAKE THE SMELL GO AWAY!

*It turns out he had a burst capillary that caused his poop to go red. Everything is okay now.

Blogging Baby has chosen TheMonk and Swee’Pea’s Valentine’s Day picture as it’s picture of the day today.

There’s more where that came from! We just downloaded 10 more cute photos on the right, take a look.*

*Childsplayx2.com takes no responsibility should you not be able to handle the cuteness factor while viewing pictures of TheMonk and Swee’Pea. Please consult your physician should you feel you are about to OD on cuteness.

Sweetie,

By now you’ve been treated to a day’s worth of TheMonk & Swee’Pea Valentine pics. Your co-workers were very nice in helping scatter these photos around the office and I’m looking forward to hearing just how they surprised you with them throughout the day. I know you’ll probably be a little embarrassed but I hope you know that I wanted to share with everyone how much I love you and how much our little ones love you too.

It’s been an amazing year. Last year, I gave you little TheMonk and Swee’Pea onesies and we draped them across your gigantic belly. It has gone by so fast but this last year has been the best year ever. Thank you for being such a wonderful mother and for going through this parenthood thing with me. We’re learning each day how to work as a team and I know TheMonk and Swee’Pea will benefit from the closeness we share. Can you believe we made these two?

Me either.

Valentine’s Day has brought on a new meaning and it’s a reminder that I thought I knew what love was prior to having these munchkins. I didn’t have a clue. All I know is that through loving these babies so much, I have grown to love you even more.

If that were even possible.

Happy Valentine’s Day Sweetheart - from your husband, your son and your daughter. We love you.

Now that we’re starting solids we have decided that while the pre-made baby food is just fine, it would be fun (and less expensive) if we made our own. So, I have been slaving away in the kitchen the past few nights perfecting my recipes, knowing I have to appeal to the most discriminating of palates - TheMonk and Bri’s.

I am proud to say that my hard work has paid off. I have created some absolute masterpieces (if I do say so myself). I am also keenly aware that some of you out there may not be as skillful in the kitchen as I am. Nor would you have the time or energy to concoct the perfect recipes based on trial and error. So, my friends, fear not. I am only too glad to share with you these recipes. It gives me great pleasure to know that these recipes will be passed down to future generations and provide nourishment for children for years to come. So, without further ado, here are my recipes. You might want to get a pen and paper or get your printer ready.

Bananas
1) Take very ripe bananas
2) Put in blender
3) Puree

Peaches
1) Slice peaches and throw away the pit.
2) Steam peaches
3) Put in blender
4) Puree

Pears
1) Slice pears and throw away the core
2) Steam pears
3) Put in blender
4) Puree

Squash
1) Slice squash after throwing out seeds
2) Steam squash
3) Remove outer rind
4) Put the rest in blender
5) Puree

Pour each puree into ice cube trays and freeze overnight. Put them in ziploc freezer bags and label and date them. This is crucial as it all looks pretty similar when they pop out of the trays.

I know what you’re thinking. You are in awe of my culinary skills. Don’t be intimidated by my vast knowledge of baby food. Instead, take advantage of all that I am passing along. In fact, feel free to spread these recipes far and wide. This is my gift to the human race.

You’re welcome.

It’s a new kind of scary when you look into your 6-month-old son’s crib in the morning to find him lying on his stomach for the first time. And it wasn’t a comfortable, “I’m just sleeping”, lying on the stomach. No, it looked like a body found on the streets of one of the many television crime shows on nowadays.

Needless to say I quickly checked for vitals. However that was unecessary when TheMonk turned to look at me. His look said, “What? Can’t you see I’m sleeping here?”

A few snapshots of the past couple of weeks…

Andrea is holding Swee’Pea and I notice she is looking at Swee’Pea’s forehead. I comment, “Hey did you notice she has one hair that is longer than the others? It’s so much longer it extends down her forehead.”

“Yeah, I see that.” Andrea replied.

“You want me to get some scissors to cut it?” I ask.

“No, we can’t cut her bang!” Says Andrea.

Like any father that is married to a pediatric physical therapist, I have been making sure the babies get plenty of tummy time. I usually play with them, shoving their favorite toys in front of their face and then get them to try and reach for them. As the weeks have gone on, I have become more confident and I’ve been working with both TheMonk and Swee’Pea at the same time. I’ll usually get one going with some toys in front of them and then go to the other to play. Eventually, I’ll switch to the other baby.

Recently, TheMonk has figured out how to lay comfortably on his belly, with his head to the side so he can breathe. So now, whenever I leave him to start playing with Swee’Pea, after a short while I’ll look over and TheMonk will look like he’s passed out after too much to drink. He’ll lie there comfortably with his thumb in his mouth, off in his own little world. I’ll jolt him back to reality by going over and attempting to re-engage him. Often times he looks up at me with a look that says, “Hey, lifting this big noggin is hard work! I need to rest!”

You know you’re getting older when…

After lying next to the bouncy chair and gently rocking your baby to sleep, they startle awake when all of your joints start cracking as you get off the floor.